About this fever I had last night

I know the title says one thing and I did set out to tell you about this fever I had last night. However, many things happened since last night and I can only tell you what is happening right now.
You may ask me what sort of a story-teller can confess to not being able to talk of things past or at least future.
But I was thinking about this role of story-teller and I feel I'd rather be a poet.
And this is a poem.
Inspired (Copied).
If you are the imaginary friend I have been talking to,
Then surely I have told you this before.
That I am self-obssessed and trying to make myself better,
For you.
I am sure that got you.
So now that I have got your attention, I find myself losing mine
I want to flit around
Float around
Never escape. Be in it always.
Love

Ego

I feel it is very important for me to remember my ephiphanies. Today I have one that I want myself to remember in times of strife.
In the morning I thought about the feeling of existential angst. I believe we threaten each other's existence because of our egoes. By this I mean ego of an individual, family, neighbourhoods, country, and our race. At this point, I am grateful that I am a human being and can write, feel and think this way and that is one of the reasons I write :)
Back to my experience with the ego: I for a large part of my life believed I do not have much of an ego.This could be because in conversations we chide people for being egotistic, we shun ego. So I wanted to be someone with less of an ego. And that I think is a noble quality to have, aspiring to be beyond ego.
However, this is not possible without first understanding what your ego is doing to you. It is important to confront it every time and kill the ego each time. Why I insist on killing the ego is that is the only thing we should want to kill (if it is not for food).
If we take the ego out of any situation, we can feel more deeply, work more sincerely and live out our lifetime as a race. Together. 

Bias

“For you it must be a small issue, a matter of your political principles, but do you realise how much it is hurting the country?”


A matter of political principle is the only thing worth getting hurt about. A country should get real hurt when something that the prime minister calls a small issue -- its political principles -- get hurt.

May I borrow a few moments of your life?

At the outset, we must admit, we got lucky. To be born in a time, when there are solutions to all problems. I did reach a time when the quagmire seemed a little too undoable, when A Writer's Life came to save me. Lyndall Gordon started research on Virginia Woolf in 1976, got it published in 1986 and came back to it two more times, once in 1991 and 2001. Lyndall Gordon's first note to us states: Redefining this biography in 1991 has confirmed my sense at its outset that there is no end to understanding a life.
It is only when keep going deeper and deeper into a quagmire, do you get to the root of the problem, it would seem.
I borrowed the book from the British Library, Bangalore and tried to see what Virginia Woolf saw. It is through her 'letters, diaries, notebooks, several stories, essays, reading notes, and drafts of some of the novels; letters of Leonard Woolf, T S Eliot, Katherine Mansfield, Victoria Sackville-West, and those of Virginia Woolf's father, Leslie Stephen' that we get to experience the depth, and get closer to the root than we ever have been before. You must pardon my waxing eloquence in this matter. The book offers us a chance to go in there. And because we live in an age of voyeurism, I cannot feel shame to want to pry, to question,to want to know. The only reason I confess to you, dear reader, is because I consider my crime to be a petty one.
Lyndall Gordon has penned biographies of among others T S Eliot, Charlotte Bronte and Henry James. I wish the word rock-star would suffice. Then I guess it should for now. She took me through the highs and the lows of Virginia Woolf's life with much care and precision. In her note on the Third Edition in 2001, she writes : Virginia Woolf's aim for biography infiltrates this book as a whole, but I hope in a way that leaves the reader free to take it or leave it. She sees Virginia Woolf's life in three phases, the same number of phases that this book has seen. The first is childhood scenes – important in the writer's life as many of the characters from her books seem like these are people she really knows. The second is what Gordon calls 'The play of actual and composed character, of actual and composed event' – this is from a time Virginia was training for the third phase. Which the biographer tells us is a long one of action and achievement.
And if you believe, like me, that it is not a story if it has no pictures or conversation, then this is a delightful journey to undertake. However, at the end, do not extract any promises from me. I want to return the book to the library, I swear.

City Express, April 7, 2015